{"id":1186,"date":"2010-07-07T10:14:19","date_gmt":"2010-07-07T10:14:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.qwocboston.org\/?p=1186"},"modified":"2010-07-07T10:14:19","modified_gmt":"2010-07-07T10:14:19","slug":"alls-fair-in-love-and-activism","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/test.qwoc.org\/?p=1186","title":{"rendered":"All\u2019s Fair in Love and Activism"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"You ever had those days where you really just cannot get out of bed? <\/strong>Where you\u2019d rather sleep from 8in the afternoon until 8, 9, or 10 in the morning, rather than do anything productive? Or those times when you\u2019ve only slept for four hours, because there just seems to be something on your mind, something that just won\u2019t let you be…<\/p>\n

Have you ever been in those times when you\u2019re counting down the minutes until you can be by yourself again, because being ‘on’ around people requires too much effort? And they’ve started to see see that you\u2019re tired, regardless of how much you\u2019ve slept; they see your weak smile, or your distant gaze, and they try to encourage you, tell you it\u2019ll be better; they try to tell you that things won\u2019t suck this much in the future. And you believe them, sure. Problem is, things sort of suck right now, and that\u2019s what\u2019s bringing you down.<\/p>\n

You know, activism is a lot like love<\/strong> \u2013 and stay with me, now, because I\u2019m surely talking about one just as much as the other. You put your whole heart and devotion towards a cause; you put your trust in people, and empower them with your belief that this something <\/em>is worth fighting for, because you know it can change the world for the better \u2013 whether it\u2019s your world or someone else\u2019s.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

And at first, it feels amazing — like a high you just can’t get enough of, this fighting, this <\/strong>pushing<\/strong><\/em>.<\/strong> It feels like you\u2019re doing something productive with your time, maybe for once. It feels like every moment is one step toward something greater, something bigger than you\u2019ve ever imagined. Sure, there are small setbacks sometimes \u2013 things are moving slower than you thought they would or moving faster into a direction you didn\u2019t expect it to go. Still, all things considered, it seems that your efforts are really taking you somewhere.<\/p>\n

Then you hit a wall. <\/strong>Or, more specifically, you feel as if, out of nowhere, you\u2019ve gone from speeding at an exhilarating 50 mph down an empty highway to 100 mph full of nothing but cars, trees, and poles, and you can\u2019t stop no matter how badly you want to. And you\u2019re also somewhat intoxicated. And maybe high. And you have no seatbelt or airbag. And then bam! \u2013 right through a steel-enforced wall. Does this sound like anyone’s love life? Or the fight we lost to Prop 8?<\/p>\n

The change happens so suddenly and the impact is so hard that you have no idea what the hell just happened, but you know that it hurts \u2013 a lot.<\/strong><\/p>\n

For me, this painful change generally happens when I feel like I\u2019ve met someone who completely understands where I\u2019m coming from, has claimed numerous times that they get me and my struggle, and that they\u2019re totally 1000% behind my cause.<\/p>\n

Then, I turn around, and I\u2019ve found that they\u2019ve run far, far away \u2013 generally into the \u201cWish I could be an ally, but I\u2019d actually prefer to not hear about your people\u2019s problems all the damn time\u201d camp or, my favorite, \u201cCan\u2019t we all just get along because race doesn\u2019t matter\u201d camp.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t apologize for the fact that my race\/sexuality\/socio-economic issues affect my life everyday or ignore the fact that <\/strong>other people are constantly and consistently ignoring those issues<\/strong><\/em>. <\/strong>And, of course, my race does matter. I have a cultural history that still means something to me even if doesn\u2019t to you. Not judging someone based on their ethnic background is not the same thing as ignoring it.<\/p>\n

There are the people who I\u2019d just like to stuff some sense into. The people who can\u2019t pretend to understand, because not only do they not want to<\/em>, they also don\u2019t feel like they should.\u00a0These are the people you bite your tongue at and walk away from because, as one of my favorite band\u2019s, Incubus, says: \u201cBlood in my mouth beats blood on the ground.\u201d <\/span>Unfortunately, these are the kinds of people that can affect you the most, the ones that make you second-guess what your fighting for. \u201cIf there are people like that who exist, people like that who will always exist, what am I doing this for?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

And the thing is, the people that seem out to get you don\u2019t always come in the form of far-right-wing crazies<\/strong> spewing hate on television or even in the form of your super-conservative, never-gonna-change-no-matter-what-you-say parents, grandparents, cousins, or siblings. Sometimes, it\u2019s the people closest to you — the people who should understand the most.<\/p>\n

\"\"Sometimes, it’s your (ex)girlfriend. Sometimes, it’s your own mother. <\/strong><\/p>\n

You think the people closest to you will understand what you\u2019re fighting for the most \u2013 and generally they do \u2013 but it hurts to know what they really think; that what you\u2019re doing will never be enough or as significant as you’d like it to be.<\/span><\/p>\n

All of a sudden you find yourself thinking: “What if what I\u2019m doing <\/strong>isn\u2019t <\/strong><\/em>enough? What if they’re right, and what I\u2019m fighting for isn\u2019t as important to the world as I think it is?”<\/strong><\/p>\n

Recently, the people who have thrown me off course are the fellow queers who think fighting for LGBT equality is good, but don\u2019t understand why I feel the need to \u201cfocus\u201d on women of color. They think that my joining a QWOC-oriented group is nice, quaint even \u2013 but it\u2019s not going to do too much in the long run.<\/p>\n

What they\u2019re really saying, of course, is \u201cYou don\u2019t really matter,\u201d and \u201cYou\u2019re not good enough.\u201d And sometimes, they don\u2019t even realize it.<\/strong><\/p>\n

They don\u2019t care to realize it, of course, or even stop to consider the absurdity and hurtful nature of their words. The important thing to them is not that they have clearly explained themselves. The important thing to them is that they\u2019ve said what they\u2019ve felt like saying, and you\u2019re listening. And you\u2019re being affected. And they\u2019re going on about their day while you stand shell-shocked and second-guess everything you\u2019ve ever fought for, wondering \u201cWhat am I doing wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"If you\u2019re like me, you could stop focusing on the blog post you\u2019re supposed to finish within the next few hours. You stop paying attention to all the work you\u2019ve been doing. At 7:00 pm, you shut your lap top, turn off the lights, and go to sleep. Or you try. And even if you can\u2019t sleep, there is nothing on this earth that will move you to get up \u2013 because what\u2019s the point? It hurts too much to move, anyway.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re like me, you could spend the next few days or weeks ignoring the outside world, sorta-kinda hating the outside world, and instead cry into your cereal bowl, with cereal that\u2019s been soggy for at least an hour, and listen to Kelly Clarkson er – I mean someone cool and worldly like Bob Marley – lament your woes on blast.<\/p>\n

But if you’re like me, when you realize you\u2019ve run out Milk and you\u2019re kind of sick of sitting on your ass all day and you\u2019d really like to enjoy your cereal, you’ll decide to get up and do something.<\/strong> Even if it\u2019s something small and inconsequential (like having no milk), you’ll realize it\u2019s worth it to you to get up and go to CVS to replenish what you\u2019ve lost, because it\u2019s something you want.<\/p>\n

Get up and do something, even if it seems small and inconsequential, because it\u2019s worth it to you and it\u2019s something you want.<\/em><\/p>\n

Repeat.<\/p>\n

Activism, like love, is hard, because it throws you for a loop sometimes.<\/strong> Even when you feel great, like you\u2019re on top of the world, there are times when you feel like you\u2019ve fallen beneath the weight of it. There are times when it just feels so utterly pointless, like you\u2019re wasting time. Sometimes, the actual act of activism, planning, rallying, what have you, can make you burnt out. Other times, it\u2019s the people you encounter that can make you want to scream and hide beneath a rock until life seems better again.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

It\u2019s in those moments when you realize the only actions, thoughts, and reactions you can control are your own.<\/strong> It\u2019s in those moments when you have to realize or re-evaluate what is most important to you \u2013 and you alone. When you\u2019ve done that, when you recognize for yourself that you\u2019re doing is enough and is important, then it doesn\u2019t matter what anyone else says or does. You can only satisfy yourself \u2013 you can only make yourself happy \u2013 not the world.<\/p>\n

It takes a while to recuperate from a nasty blow to the heart and I can\u2019t tell you when or how exactly that will happen. I can\u2019t tell you when the pain will have dissipated enough for you to resume a normal, functional state of mind. I\u2019m still working on that, myself. But I can tell you that, sometime soon, it will happen.<\/p>\n

What your doing <\/strong>does <\/strong><\/em>matter and what you\u2019re fighting for is worth it. And you\u2019ll be okay. I promise.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You ever had those days where you really just cannot get out of bed? Where you\u2019d rather sleep from 8in the afternoon until 8, 9, or 10 in the morning, rather than do anything productive? Or those times when you\u2019ve only slept for four hours, because there just seems to be something on your mind,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[79,30],"tags":[132,394,532,657,798,838,928],"class_list":["post-1186","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-activism-and-politics","category-love-and-relationships","tag-activism","tag-erika-turner","tag-intern","tag-love","tag-prop-8","tag-qwoc","tag-social-media"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/test.qwoc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1186","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/test.qwoc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/test.qwoc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/test.qwoc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/test.qwoc.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1186"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/test.qwoc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1186\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/test.qwoc.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1186"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/test.qwoc.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1186"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/test.qwoc.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1186"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}