{"id":908,"date":"2010-06-04T12:46:48","date_gmt":"2010-06-04T12:46:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.qwocboston.org\/?p=908"},"modified":"2010-06-04T12:46:48","modified_gmt":"2010-06-04T12:46:48","slug":"coming-out-to-cab-drivers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/test.qwoc.org\/?p=908","title":{"rendered":"Coming Out to Cab Drivers — A Necessary Risk"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Several days ago, I found myself on a taxi ride home, engaging in conversation with the driver about blacks and education. He asked whether or not I was in college; I told him I was and he proceeded to clap, thanking me for doing something for blacks \u201cacross the world.\u201d He was a Native Haitian and had apparently seen his share of racial inequalities, stemming from poor education and lack of opportunities. As we continued to talk, he told me of his own children and their educational accomplishments, explaining to me that I had a responsibility to both my parents and my race to make something of myself.<\/p>\n

This was, of course, a conversation I was used to and therefore allowed the man to preach to me (he was kind enough) and occasionally inserted my own brief and supplementary comments to his diatribe. Yet, in my own mind, I was awed at how quickly his confidence in my contribution would most likely subside if he knew I was not, as he most likely assumed, heterosexual.<\/p>\n

During my high school years, I attended several conferences and scholarship ceremonies for black students, where the presenters immediately dove into discussions about God and somewhere along the line ended up speaking about how black men needed to treat black women with more respect and how black women needed to be there for their black men. What should have been an arena to recognize our achievements inevitably became a series of soapbox opportunities to discuss \u201cissues within the black community\u201d that we, the young people, needed to fix.<\/p>\n

The issue, of course, with this presumed solidarity is the fact that, however unintentionally, it ignores the diversity that existed within our so-called community and potentially alienated those who did not necessarily identify with the presented issues. I cannot recall the amount of times I cringed when, at a scholarship ceremony sponsored by a black sorority, we (the young women) were encouraged to, in essence, keep our legs closed and focus on our studies, \u201cno matter how cute that boy is.\u201d<\/p>\n

But what could’ve been done? Should I have stood up and announced to the auditorium that, contrary to popular belief, not everyone at the ceremony was heterosexual? Should I have told that taxi driver that I was a lesbian, just to clear up any misconceptions that he might have had?<\/p>\n

Perhaps. Of course, the taxi driver didn\u2019t ask or say anything in regards to my sexuality that would necessarily warrant a revelation about who I dated or slept with. There\u2019s a good chance that he would have been confused as to why I brought it up, since it would have had nothing to do with the conversation at hand. Yet, due to previous experience, I couldn’t help but wonder. Indeed, it would have been encouraging if indifference were his response. But, what if it weren\u2019t? What then?<\/p>\n

So here\u2019s the topic of the week: risks. The surpassing of \u201cwhat if\u2019s\u201d for the satisfaction of an actual answer. The reason I didn\u2019t inform the man of my sexuality, despite my curiosity toward his response, was not because it was none of his business. Indeed, I\u2019m sure most of us justify the omission of that tidbit of information by saying that it \u201cdidn\u2019t need to be said.\u201d But let\u2019s be honest: I didn\u2019t bring it up because I was afraid to. Go ahead. Admit it. You were afraid too.<\/p>\n

Many people are afraid to be honest with other people about who they are. This is no surprise and yes, I know, I\u2019m preaching to the choir. But the problem is that a lot of people won\u2019t admit that they\u2019re afraid. Many people will simply say that they prefer to keep their personal lives private \u2013 which is fine. Many heterosexual people are the same way. Yet, what defines \u201cpersonal\u201d and \u201cprivate?\u201d A straight friend of mine may not want to give me the details of her relationship; maybe she doesn\u2019t even like talking about her boyfriend or the guy she\u2019s dating. But, I still know it\u2019s a male. I\u2019ve still gleaned from whatever little information she\u2019s given me that she\u2019s, if not straight, at least bi. That information isn\u2019t \u201cpersonal.\u201d As we young kids like to say, \u201cit\u2019s whatever.\u201d However, a queer person is far more likely to do back flips trying to avoid using gender-specific terms or even mentioning that they\u2019re dating someone, for fear that it will give information as to their sexuality and invite unwanted questions, attention, personal attacks, or discomfort for both parties.<\/p>\n

Nevertheless, I\u2019ve realized that some risks can be good, whether helpful or simply liberating. In the case of the taxi driver, I could have risked our pleasant conversation for the sake of being true to myself. Though the man could have very well been indifferent, there\u2019s a chance that he could also have simply grown silent. His praise toward my \u201caccomplishments for the black community\u201d (which is a personal issue that I will perhaps discuss later), he could have stopped talking, which would have made for a very unwelcoming atmosphere and a very uncomfortable ride home. But, so what? Just as he would have had the right to mention his wife in passing, so do I reserve the right to use the terms \u201cshe\u201d and \u201cher\u201d and \u201cmy girlfriend\u201d in everyday conversation without another person batting an eyelid. I would have risked the man\u2019s respect for the right to be recognized for all of me, as opposed to part of me.<\/p>\n

Of course, some would say it\u2019s an unnecessary risk. Why bring it up at all? Why make a comfortable conversation uncomfortable? Why not just let it go? Well, because. You know, as well as I do, that no matter how comfortable the conversation may be, there\u2019s a part of you that\u2019s a little angry, a little sad, a little hurt, a little irritated, every time the other person mentions their significant other, or an ex, or a fling, and you just nod, smile, and change the subject. Yes, you may be out to a lot of people but, say this person is a business associate, or the deacon of your mother\u2019s church. You don\u2019t want to start \u201cunnecessary conflict\u201d just to be true to yourself, just so you can have the right to be equally open, honest, and comfortable. Right?<\/p>\n

Well\u2026I think we all know the answer to that. Yes, some situations may not be the safest, and I would advise against doing anything that makes you hyperventilate \u2013 but sometimes, it is okay to spice things up a bit. I say, next time your boss or associate or acquaintance mentions something cute and funny that his or her spouse did, follow up with an adorable story about your partner. Maybe they don\u2019t want to hear about your \u201cpersonal\u201d life, but, you know what? Maybe you don\u2019t want to hear about theirs either.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Several days ago, I found myself on a taxi ride home, engaging in conversation with the driver about blacks and education. He asked whether or not I was in college; I told him I was and he proceeded to clap, thanking me for doing something for blacks \u201cacross the world.\u201d …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":3202,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[79,94],"tags":[228,304,394,410,624,641,830,838,851,880],"class_list":["post-908","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-activism-and-politics","category-coming-out-special-series","tag-black-people","tag-coming-out","tag-erika-turner","tag-featured","tag-lgbt","tag-lgbtq","tag-queer-women-of-color","tag-qwoc","tag-qwoc-boston","tag-risks"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/test.qwoc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/908","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/test.qwoc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/test.qwoc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/test.qwoc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/test.qwoc.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=908"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/test.qwoc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/908\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/test.qwoc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3202"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/test.qwoc.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=908"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/test.qwoc.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=908"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/test.qwoc.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=908"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}